It was the worst date I had ever been on. I should have known that even before we went out however I went anyways.
We met on POF, he was tall, Catholic and looked like a big guy who could keep me safe and protect me–all the things I liked.
We made plans for a Saturday afternoon, because I had plans to babysit my nieces afterwards.
Red Flag #1:
He asked me to pick him up because he has a blow-and-go in his car and was afraid he would not be able to drive home.
There were so many issues I had with this, for one, I had never met him, so why would I drive to his house and pick him up? And two, why is he planning to drink either a) that much or b) at all, on a lunch date?
Regardless of this, we decide to go to lunch. I get there first and I am looking thru the menu, taking in the sun on an outside deck, awaiting the arrival of Mike. Then, I hit that moment while I am waiting, the same moment I hit every time I’m about to meet a first date, when I say…”I can leave now and pretend that I was never here.” That’s right, I am a terrible person, but that’s part of my charm I think.
As I see him walking up, I am happy– relieved even–that he looks normal, and handsome. Then as I stand up to give him the awkward obligatory hug…
Red Flag #2:
Transistion Lenses in his sunglasses…or glasses..but maybe sunglasses? I am full of confusion at the moment.
I let it slide, because even though I am not always a fan of changing people, there are some changes that are necessary. I can deal with breaking a guy of his transition lenses habit. Next thing I know this guy is slamming his vodka tonics and I am thankful that he took a Lyft to get there. But I’m also sad for the Lyft driver who will have to smell the vodka pouring from his pores as he gazes out the window, thru not rose colored glasses, but tan ones? (I do not even know what color to call it!)
Next we look at the menu. We get a few apps, to which I can’t even remember looking back, I was too distracted by the sweat dripping down his face because he decided to wear an under shirt with a long sleeve button up over. It was at least 80 on this patio, however he gave it the good ol’ college try on this one, which is why I can somewhat OK it.
Things are going semi-ok as the food arrives. Cue:
Red Flag #3:
He chews while he talks. There is now shrimp and French fries falling out his mouth and spraying the table.
I am officially disgusted by this. I then hate myself for letting him know what time I needed to be gone by to babysit, however I make up an excuse, that “Oh darn! My brother needs me to come over earlier then planned!” As I apologize, he continues to try and get me to take a shot before I leave, then offers to let me drive him home. I think, “Ahh poor guy, he does not understand that there is not enough alcohol in the world to get me to do that!”
I respectfully decline his romantic gesture, and tell him I do not have time. So he pays (another solid point) and then walks me down to my car and tries to kiss me.
As we hug goodbye he confesses..
Red Flag #4:
“Well, I think I will go back upstairs, there was someone who caught my eye at the bar, but, can we go out again sometime?”
I leave the bar as fast as I can. He even texted me later to tell me he had a good time and then ask when we can go out again.
Red Flag #5:
He is a moron who cannot pick up on signals.
A couple months later, long after I had moved on, I took my then boyfriend’s son to go to the arcade and bowling alley on a day off.
Red Flad #6:
Mike is the manager. Of the arcade/bowling alley. And….he has no idea who I am as we pay for our activities, he is oblivious to it.
So, all in all I learned from this and it was a good experience. To recap, in a nutshell, I know that if someone has transisition lenses and asks me to drive so they can get drunk at lunch on our first date, I can say no before we even go out. However, somethings you must learn the hard way! But not the kinda hard I like!
With Love, J!